Let’s Hear it For the Boy

January 12, 2010 in Men, Relationships | 8 comments

News flash:  All men are NOT dogs.  There are a lot of great men out there.  If you haven’t found one perhaps you may want to consider adjusting your definition of greatness.  All men are not ballers, shot callers, rappers or making six figure salaries.  There is the man that works at UPS and  values  family.  There is the single dad with a heart filled with love who has a  9 to 5 and struggles to make ends meet just like you, but he’s seeking the right partner with whom he can grow.  There is the really nice gentleman  who is the same height as you and may not be as toned as you would like, but he would value your heart, treat you well, get and use a gym membership if you asked nicely.   There is the guy who you overlook because he’s a manager at McDonald’s and if you took time to say “Hello” and smile you would  learn that he  would  treat you like the queen that you claim you are.

I am a bit sick and tired of the “All men are dogs”,  mantra because that is just not possible and if you keep attracting dogs then perhaps you are the fire hydrant.   Are you able to meet the standards that you have set for  a potential mate or partner?  Are you the best you can be?  Are there areas within yourself that you can grow and heal emotionally and spiritually?

I know great men and great women but for some reason we fail to see the greatness in each other.   I am not sure  of what is going on and I am not sure of how to fix it but  I know it’s not just the fault of  “no good men”.   We hear so much about these no good men that we forget about the good ones  who do great things every single  day.

Today I want to salute  men for no particular reason at all, just for being them.  Especially the ones of good character  who KNOW within themselves that they are doing the BEST that they can  to be good friends, husbands, lovers, fathers, workers, providers, protectors, brothers and boyfriends.  

Today I just want to say no man bashing,   “Let’s Hear it For the Boy”.

Americans Dont Have the Patent on “Black”

January 6, 2010 in Uncategorized | 2 comments

Within certain groups there is the tendency of some to move away from being defined as “black”. Some people prefer to be refered to by the nation of their birth or their parent’s birth rather than claim blackness, despite the fact their skin color and facial features are Africoid.  On the other end of this  conversation we have many Americans who believe black to be synonymous with only America.

In conversations with friends about their ethnic background they  have said  ”My mom/dad is Puerto Rican and my mom/dad is black” , and then I probed for the race/nationality of both parents. In one instance the response was my mother is Black Puerto Rican and my Father is Black American. In another the response was my Father is White Puerto Rican and my mother is  Black American. I found it interesting in both cases how both friends identified the national origin of one parent yet I was expected to know the national identity of the other parent based on a racial category. I had a co worker say to me “But you’re not Black, your Jamaican.” I had to let him know I am black AND  I am Jamaican. Same for “African-Americans”.   They/We are Black AND American.  Same for Dominicans, Haitians, Puerto Ricans, Venezuelans, Panamanians,St. Lucians, Trininidadians, Antiguans , Nigerians, Kenyans, Liberians, Ghanians and the list goes on.

When someone is identified as black I question: “What country? From where?” I dont automatically assume when someone is referred to as Black that they  are American.  Maybe it’s my hang up and I should get with the program. I already think “African-Americans” focus too little on their Americaness anyway (but that’s another post). Black is indeed diverse in the sense that many nations around the world have black people, not just America. Check out this past post  on  ”Neo-African American.  Feedbacks and comments are welcomed!

A Princess Like Me

January 3, 2010 in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

 

Princess Tiana

I  recently saw  The Princess and the Frog with my two sons.  I waited until we were in the theater and seated before I revealed the title of the movie.  I was concerned  that my 6 year old son would object to my selection as the movie of choice for his birthday celebration.    Both boys allowed their mother this small pleasure and did not utter a peep until the conclusion what I believe is a Disney classic.  I waited my whole life for this movie! (It was right up there with a Maxwell concert!)  As a girl and young adult  I loved all of the Disney movies with princesses, Cinderella, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, Mulan  and Aladdin.  I often wondered when they would make a movie about a little black girl.  I was pleased with Lion King, but then I thought,  ”We make a movie about Africa and we use animals?  Nice.”  When I read that Disney was making   The Princess and the Frog I knew I had to see it. In fact,  at first I was in disbelief as I thought it was a rumor.

 I was so excited to see  a little brown girl from a loving family in a Disney film.  The fact that she was  a princess took the cake for me!  I dont have  any thing deep or prolific to add, but I will say  that  Tiana represents that little black girls are princesses too.  This image is profound not only for girls and boys of  African descen, it is a wonderful representation for  all children ( and their parents) around the world.   Go see the movie even if you dont have any children and especially if you are like me  and waited a very long time time to see a princess who looks kind of like you in a Disney film.

I Don’t Cook for My Children

December 20, 2009 in Cooking, Food | Tags: , , , | 7 comments

Shrimp and veggie fried Rice. I own and use a wok.

I really enjoy cooking.  It’s perhaps my favorite of all domestic  duties.  I enjoy the creatve side of it and I love the response that can be illicited from serving a tasty homecooked meal.   For the most part I think I am a good cook, sometimes I am my toughest critic and I ofen require a second set  of tastebuds to verify that my latest masterpiece is indeed a viable option for satisfying a robust appetite.  Everything isn’t always perfect but I am confident that I can prepare one or two or ten  decent meals.

Greens. Pretty good for a girl from Jamaica.

As hard as I am on myself,  my sons  who will be 8 and 6 on December 29 and December 30, respectively are the WORST.  They are giving me  cooking  low self esteem.  Our conversations at dinner and or lunch sound like “Just try it.”    “No, I don’t want it.”      “Just give it a chance, if you don’t like it you don’t have to eat it.”  “I already tried it, I don’t want it. Can I have some cereal?”   Or  “What’s this green stuff?”    “It’s seasoning.”   “Can you take it off my plate mommy?”  Exasperated I say “No, move it to the side of your plate” and depending on the day I may oblige and make a grilled cheese sandwich but only for the soon-to-be six year old because the soon-to-be eight year old hates bread and will only eat cheese on pizza or if it’s hidden in scrambled eggs or an omelet.  

Chicken Lasagna. Thanks cousin Mich for the recipe.

I’ve consulted with friends who reassure me, “They are young, they don’t  know anything.”    But  to his credit the almost eight year old is a better eater than his younger sibling so when he says “Mommy your food is good”, I believe him and when both of them agree that I’ve done particularly welll in the kitchen despite  preparing a meal sans macaroni and cheese  or rice and green peas I feel accomplished.  Then, I get motivated to try again.  But in the meantime I cant cook for them , I cook for me and hopefully somewhere in that process I will expand their little tastebuds.

Tiger Needs to Step Up His Game

December 7, 2009 in Life, Men, Relationships | Tags: , , | 3 comments

The media is having a field day with Tiger Woods.  It seems we cant get enough of the fallout from his “transgressions.” Now mistresses are coming out of the wood  work with recordings of his voice and claims that he is a “tiger” in bed.  Some are stating that Tiger owes his fans  an apology, the media a press conference and the police a statement.   There are others who are taking issue with the fact that Tiger’s wife is a Sweedish blonde and his side chicks are all white women.   My opinion,  Tiger owes us nothing.    Non-white women everywhere I am sure are thankful  and rejoicing that he  opted to exclude us from his Cassanova escapades.  The person with whom he should be confessing and begging for forgivness is the woman who used one of his golf clubs to break the rear window of their Escalade.  Which leads me to another point:  If this woman was allegedly so angry from learning that he transgressed that she would strike him, then muster the the strength to break the rear windshield of  their truck , imagine  what it was like living with her!  It couldn’t have been easy.  The cynic in me also thinks Tiger probably thought he landed a tame woman and this Sweedish au pair proved a bit challenging to rangle.       

Amidst all the chatter around the Tiger Woods fiasco I am  most annoyed at  his consistent choosing of women who are no where near as accomplished as he. He married a nanny, not the one with her own tv show, and when he strayed he selected “bar help” as his side chick(s). What does it say about a man who has a great deal of options because of his fame and fortune yet continues to choose women who are far less accomplished than he? Yes I am fully aware that one’s profession is not indicative of intelligence or personal character,  but I firmly believe that in many cases it is a combination of  talent, opportunity, performance and motivation. Even when he strays from his spouse he seems to target  women that to my mind are  shallow, opportunistic underperformers. 

 

No, Tiger owes us nothing.  The wrath he’s facing from his golf  club weilding wife is sufficient penance.  He’s great on the golf course but in seeking partners and side chicks he might want to consider stepping up his game.

I Don’t Care Who’s Not Wearing Panties:Can I Get Some Real News?

December 1, 2009 in Life | Tags: | 2 comments

Is this really news?

Is this news?

What is really going on with the nonsensical and trite media coverage about celebrities doing nothing  more than living their lives and those who are famous for doing nothing? I am not innocent. I peruse the scandalous headlines when I’m on line in Walmart or Target. Sometimes I’ll even scan an article or two, but quite frankly there isn’t much else to view on the Magazine stands. I have a theory that if we focused on issues of any consequence most of us would be chronically depressed or perhaps be moved to do something to transform deplorable conditions all around the world. To my mind the intense focus on celebrity is like prozac for the masses. It’s intended to keep us distracted and prevent us from addressing  tangible issues that will impact our very existence.

I am not overly concerned with pictures of celebrities taking out trash, walking their dogs or going to the supermarket. I dont want to know who they are dating, whether they are wearing underwear or even if they’ve entered rehab. Pop culture is driven by the daily coverage of the lives of these human beings for whom fame is a consequence of their work. I am more interested in their actual work rather than their personal lives. Yet with everyone vying for their 15 minutes of fame it seems starring in a reality tv show has become the work of people without any real talent. The boundaries are now blurred and there is no real distinction between personal and professional; alas my fear is that there will be much more coverage on who’s found love, filmed a sex tap and cheated on their spouse rather than where we are on much more significant issues.

Over Exposure

November 16, 2009 in Life | Tags: , | 3 comments

Google Search Bar

Google yourself

I googled myself today. I appeared approximately 640 times on the net. I also googled my image and there were quite a few photos of me as well pictures that were associated with sites where I posted comments. I must say my “prominence” on the web created a bit of internal anxiety as I wondered how my journey into cyber space via blogging and various online social and professional networking sites has severely bruised my sense of anonyminity.

To put things in persepective I googled Maxwell, he appeared about 200,00 times. Then I googled Obama and he appeared approximately 200 milion times. In comparison my 640 results is meager. For a private citizen such as myself my appeance on the web aggregrated by Google search engine was a bit of a shock, despite the fact that I have actively engaged in an internet self-marketing and promotion campagin. For some reason I did not make the connection that I would appear several hundred times via an online search. I thought: “I put so much of myself out there” and my mind began to race as to how I can reign in my online presence. Then it dawned on me: I can’t, once it’s in cyberspace it exists forever. I can only going forward be more vigilant in how I manage my online presence. I’m curious. Google yourself. What did you find?

Neo-African American or African-American or Both?

November 11, 2009 in Life | Tags: , , | 5 comments

Who is African-American?

I was born in Jamaica and came to the United States of America when I was 6 years old. Although its’ a term often reserved for the children of Jamaican parents born in the United States I’ve often considered myself “Jamerican”. A fusion. Not quite one or the other but a culmination of both experiences, occupying a unique social location only children who seek to navigate the terrain of assimlating to the nation their parents adopted while seeking to honor the cultures of “back home” can fully comprehend.

Going back over 2 decades, the authenticity of my “Blackness” was often challenged because my version of Black did not encompass the consumption of grits and collard greens and a host of other practices which seemed inconsequential to me. My peers in elementatry school would ask me if Jamaicans lived in huts or trees and they wondered if we wore clothes. Not so much these days. Jamaican food stores and West Indian markets pepper various street corners and neighborhoods. Hip Hop Stations must include reggae in their daily rotation in order to be considered relevant. Jamaican vernacular and dance styles in many ways are now at the heart of African American pop culture. I venture to say that in many major metropolitan areas where immigrants tend to coalesc there is a strong Jamaican/West Indian presence (at least on the east coast).

Despite the fact that Carribbean Americans have been in the US for a very long time the clip above has brought to my mind questions I’ve often pondered: Am I, was I or will I ever be African-American? Is the term African- American too specific or too vague to capture my experience? Although I’ve never been offended by the term I’ve never felt that it captured the essence of my experience the way “Jamerican” or “Afro-Carribbean American” does. But then again does negating the term altogether relinquish my ability to claim that yes African-Americans eat collard greens and yes they eat collaloo and green bannana too.

Is Your Son Brown or White?

November 9, 2009 in Uncategorized | 1 comment

Paper Ghost

Did a paper ghosts expose the workings of white privilege?

Recently we went to a Halloween function at our local YMCA. Two women sat at a table where they were making ghosts from tissue. My two sons and I walked over to the table and requested a ghost from one of the women. As she completed her project for my oldest son a young boy came over to the table with his mother and baby brother . The woman immediately turned her attention to the young boy and asked him what color pipe cleaner would he like to use for his ghosts. My boys and I were waiting patiently and I said, “What about A, doesn’t he get a ghost too?”. She was visibly flustered and said, “Okay, I’ll make one for him.” But she completed the ghost for the little boy.

My son A then asked, “Do you have a son?” The woman responded “Yes I do, he’s around here somewhere.” A then followed up with “Is he brown or white?”. The woman responded “He’s white”. The other brown woman at the table shot me a glance and I couldn’t help but to smile. She finished up A’s ghost and we walked away from the table. Throughout the evening and beyond I wondered did my five year old interpret that this woman immediately responded to the little boy because he had the same skin pigment as her son? Did he somehow sense he was overlooked because he was brown unlike the woman’s son?

Did my 5 year old witness and experience the workings of white privilege first hand or am I just reading into this thing like an Africana Studies major with a naptural ( I dont relax my hair)? Thoughts?

Nappy Hair is “Real” Hair

October 26, 2009 in Body, Life, Spirit | 6 comments

Tyra's real hair

Tyra's real hair

I spent my final year of undergrad doing my best to analyze some of the reasons why black women chemically straighten their hair and the difficulty associated with breaking the habit. In my thesis I essentially defined natural as hair that is not chemically straightened. Fast forward over a decade and I am baffled to find that “natural” hair is hair that is not weaved. Tyra Banks sometime ago had a big reveal where she unveiled her “real” hair. For Tyra this was a huge moment as she spent a majority of her adult life wearing some other hair rather than her own. While I commend Tyra on her bravery in taking this bold step I wonder about the state of the Black woman’s psyche when we claim to be “real” or “natural” sporting hair that has been chemically straightened. I stand by original claim made over ten years ago that natural hair is the hair that has not been chemically or heat trained to remain straight. It is the hair that sits on top of your head immediately after it has been washed and totally void of chemical straightening agents. I know in this day and age very few things are truly natural. And for all intents and purposes if we wanted have truly natural we probably would not even comb or style our hair. However I must question: has our collective consciousness shifted so far toward a straight hair ideal that we somehow believe a relaxer is an integral part of our beauty ritual, similar to a comb or oil, or shampoo? Has our sense of what is real or true become so hazy and contrived that we willfully subject ourselves to the notion that chemically processed hair is natural?

As I attempt to reengage in the conversation on Black women’s hair and encourage dialogue I think it’s important to state that relaxed hair without a weave is simply that: relaxed hair. It sits on one end of the spectrum of hair textures while the curls, coils, waves and kinks of truly natural hair sits on the other. Chemically and artificially straightened by definition is not naturally straight. When we compare it to hair that you can buy at a store and attach to your head yes it is real, but if we compared relaxed hair to the hair that grows out of your scalp to my mind it is not only unnatural it is fake or false. Now if deciding to shed the weave if only for a moment is cause for celebration and adulation, I wonder what a conscious effort to end the addiction to the creamy crack (chemical relaxer) would bring about?

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