I graduated with a degree in Women’s Studies from a pretty strong program. I don’t know if my degree influenced my thinking about men as much as I pursued my degree in an attempt to understand myself in relation to men. For some reason in conversations about gender I like to disclose that fact. After giving birth to two sons, I’ve developed a new level of respect for men in a way that I did not anticipate.

As funny as it may sound, I now see men as people who were once little boys not unlike my boys. My girlfriend believes my boys are God’s way of allowing me to experience the inherent difference between boys and girls which I at one point argued were naturally non existent and merely social constructs. These two boys taught me well. Boys and girls are inherently different. Men and women are different. That testosterone ain’t nothing to mess it. I must admit I now respect it greatly.

I once thought of men as insensitive creatures whose primary objective was to chase skirts and secure as many sexual conquests as time would allow. These beings were incapable of any real commitment and many had to be deceived and/ or dragged into any serious or committed relationships. My goal was always to maintain a certain distance from men so that even while I may have been in an intimate relationship I remained secretly casually aloof so as to never become fully entrenched to the extent that I could not execute a retreat.

After becoming a mother to one then two boys I intuitively knew that this was a relationship with babies, boys and someday men that I could or would never abandon. It was after giving birth and raising my two little ruffians, merchants of misfits, handsome browns and little gentlemen that I knew somewhere within that men had to be more than uncaring cassanovas.

In opening my mind to envision men as once boys I’ve learned to see men as sensitive, feeling, loving, intelligent, kind, thoughtful and caring. I’ve recently become privy to the fact that men can also love really hard and sometimes foolishly. I’ve also discovered that this love or desire will directly impact a man’s actions rendering him loyal and faithful to someone who has been dishonorable to him. I’ve come to know that men cry and mourn their losses. They mope and pine in an attempt to cope with and navigate their way through grief. Men value and desire commitment. Many want to get married sometimes rushing to the alter with a malicious and duplicitous bride. They can and do say no to sex and are successful in a conscious effort not to constantly sexualize women whom they find attractive. Men are nuturers , caring for their baby girls and boys and doing whatever is necessary to maintain a relationship with their offspring. They cook and bake and decorate. These are traits and behaviors that I once thought were exclusive to women and if exhibited by males were the exception rather than the rule.

Lately as I’ve grown older and hopefully wiser I’ve met and learned of men who possess these characteristics and I think it would be wonderful if my sons adopted some of these view points and traits. Thanks to my sons who were my first teachers on the greatness of men, I’ve acquired new level of respect for men honoring their difference, while accepting how much alike men and women truly are.