I had two great days with each boy.  My 6 year old and I went to the mall where I saw distressed acid wash jeans on sale and shouted : “Look these are on sale!”  He responded “Don’t buy those they have holes in them and they are all  spotted.”   We then had lunch, watched a movie and hung out at the park.

For my second Special Day with my oldest we went to Chuck E Cheese , bowl, lunch and then the park.  During lunch I said to my  8 year old, “You are so handsome.”  He responded “I know”.  I inquired, “How do you know.”  He replied “I look in the mirror.”

One  on one time was great with each boy I don’t know who had more fun them or me.   The great lesson that was confirmed isn’t how important it is to give each boy one on one time, it’s  that I don’t have a favorite, they both get on my nerves equally. Special Days were  pretty cool; it was wonderfully refreshing to be evenly matched rather than having to manage the personalities of the testosterone tag team.  We will definitely do it again.

The bachelorette pad was great but honestly with those two gone, something is missing  as much work as they require I kind of miss my guys.  Maybe I’m just old or a mom but I’ve enjoyed my time to myself, staying in,  doing nothing, further affirming that I am indeed great company even if I leave my clothes on the floor and only boil water.

I often have conversations with my sister about the power of DNA testing  in it’s ability to free some men from parentatl responsibility and simulteaneously hold others accountable.  During these talks we expound upon how men  would be  far more selective in choosing their partners if they viewed everyone as the potential mother for their children.  (Somehow I think we resent the sexual freedom men are permitted in our patriarchal society). Then I think of my sons, what lessons shall I impart to them on dealing with women?  Should I  tell them that every woman with whom they have sexual relations  can be the potential mother of their children?  I am very clear that I dont want any  Chicken Heads to mother my grand babies but  how do I  impart this message to two boys 8 and 6 and years old?    One of my challenges in Divamommying is to be the woman I want my sons to bring home to me one day.  I sincerely hope that the way I live my life can serve to provide an example of a  woman of good character and ultimately great company.

Shrimp and veggie fried Rice. I own and use a wok.

I really enjoy cooking.  It’s perhaps my favorite of all domestic  duties.  I enjoy the creatve side of it and I love the response that can be illicited from serving a tasty homecooked meal.   For the most part I think I am a good cook, sometimes I am my toughest critic and I ofen require a second set  of tastebuds to verify that my latest masterpiece is indeed a viable option for satisfying a robust appetite.  Everything isn’t always perfect but I am confident that I can prepare one or two or ten  decent meals.

Greens. Pretty good for a girl from Jamaica.

As hard as I am on myself,  my sons  who will be 8 and 6 on December 29 and December 30, respectively are the WORST.  They are giving me  cooking  low self esteem.  Our conversations at dinner and or lunch sound like “Just try it.”    “No, I don’t want it.”      “Just give it a chance, if you don’t like it you don’t have to eat it.”  “I already tried it, I don’t want it. Can I have some cereal?”   Or  “What’s this green stuff?”    “It’s seasoning.”   “Can you take it off my plate mommy?”  Exasperated I say “No, move it to the side of your plate” and depending on the day I may oblige and make a grilled cheese sandwich but only for the soon-to-be six year old because the soon-to-be eight year old hates bread and will only eat cheese on pizza or if it’s hidden in scrambled eggs or an omelet.  

Chicken Lasagna. Thanks cousin Mich for the recipe.

I’ve consulted with friends who reassure me, “They are young, they don’t  know anything.”    But  to his credit the almost eight year old is a better eater than his younger sibling so when he says “Mommy your food is good”, I believe him and when both of them agree that I’ve done particularly welll in the kitchen despite  preparing a meal sans macaroni and cheese  or rice and green peas I feel accomplished.  Then, I get motivated to try again.  But in the meantime I cant cook for them , I cook for me and hopefully somewhere in that process I will expand their little tastebuds.

Good Manners Are Always in Style

Of all the areas in my child rearing adventures where I am not as consistent as I would like to be I think I am almost at 92% when it comes to manners.  My boys are boys’ boys they are at times unruly and rambunctious (I attribute their activity to that testostersone).  I ‘ve learned people are usually more forgiving if they say “Excuse me”  after they’ve accidentally bumped into someone or “Sorry ” if they’ve unintentionally harmed another child or “Please”  when making a request and “Thank you” upon receiving an item or service.  

I work very hard to instill those basics into my boys and at times I encounter people who either 1. did not receive those lessons  or 2. have decided to ignore or abandon these early teachings altogether.  I know we live in an age where boundaries about almost all things conflate and blur.  As a result  people believe its okay to bend or break the rules to suit their needs in any given moment, but I miss the good old days when people said “please” and “thank you” without a second thought.   I miss when folks felt it was imperative to  call (text)  if they couldn’t make it or were running late.  I am longing for people to say “Hello” when entering a room and “Good bye” upon leaving.  I think its great to hold the door for the person coming after you regardless of whether they are male or female.  I think it’s important to tell a gentleman  “Thank you” if he’s treated you  to a day or night out.   I am also a firm believer that (as someone has recently reminded me) when an adult is present children should “watch their mouth”.

What ever happend to manners  and being just plain old polite?  Fashion trends come and go, super stars rise and fall, relationships begin hot and grow cold, jobs  are here today and gone tomorrow but  for me  manners will never go out of style. Forget about sexy it’s about time we bring manners back.   By the way,  thank you for reading and please come again.

We took the five year old over to join the line with his new classmates and I showered him with an excessive amount of hugs. He said “Bye Mommy” in a voice that is much too deep for someone in kindergarten. I though my baby is growing up. The teacher sensing my apprehension said ” The first day of kindergarten is a big day.”  I thought, I don’t know if it’s a bigger day for me or the boy.

I finally did, to Divalicious.

My oldest questioned: “DivaMom?”

I replied “No, Divalicious. I dont want mom mentioned at all.”

My youngest chimed in “How about Diva?”

I said, “That works.”

My niece added, ” Can I say Aunty Diva?”

I said that will work too.

After about 5 minutes of , “Diva!”, “Divalicious!”, “Aunty Diva!”

I said, “Okay, never mind, go back to calling me Mommy and Aunty”.

Courtesy of inspired fitness.com

My 5 year old used my bendable rollers first to make a wand then the next day he transformed it into miniature dumbbells.  Although I had a good idea what they were I asked him, “What’s that?” 

He replied:  ”It’s a weight mommy.”

I said, “Great job!” 

He affirmed, “I am a creator, right mommy?”

I agreed, “Yes you are.”

I was tickled that my baby used the word “creator”.  I thought it was an interesting statement for a five year old to make.  After all aren’t we all ultimately the creators of our own destinies?  Don’t we use the resources that we currently have available to shape and construct our reality? 

It is our ability to master our minds that in many cases determines how we live our lives. Yet we consistently allow our trains of thought to run amuck with unsavory ideas and self doubt that plant the seeds of our own destruction.  We forget that we are indeed creators, that in each and every situation we have the ability to build the life we choose. 

At times I long for the mind of a child, those days when everything was possible.  There was no limitation, in your mind you could be and do anything.  If we were all were as bold as my 5 year old affirming that we were indeed creators perhaps we can recapture the feeling that the possibilities in life are limitless. Perhaps we can take a lesson from my  five year old and empower ourselves by asserting that as creators we can construct whatever it is we desire, building  what we want by using the resources that we have available.

I do little things: I let them go to the men’s room alone, while I hover at the door. I stand close by and monitor them while they cross the street to see who knows how to do it right. They both know my cell phone number and full name, just in case.

I’ve had a couple of close calls where I’ve momentarily lost sight of either one boy or the other, and I am so tempted to say: “I am never going to let you out of my sight again”. But then a cooler head prevails as I’ve noticed that they are actually pretty smart and have always found themselves back to me. They are only 7 and 5 right now so I can only imagine what adventures they will have when they are 17 and 15. I only hope that whatever it is, I will have imparted them with the tools needed to always find their way back to me.