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For as long as I can remember I’ve pondered the “existence of nothing”. My mind wondered about the begining and end of the universe. Like many young people I attended church services and my first attempt to solve this riddle came in the form of Sabbath School (Seventh Day Adventist). My studies prompted even more questions. After discovering Greek Mythology I found myself even more confused as many of the tales were similar to those found in the Old Testament. I took a break from religion and decided that I would try to figure out the meaning of life on my own, yet I stumbled and found myself back to the begining and attending church. Rather than going to a Seventh Day Adventist church I tried multi-denominational churches on Sundays and still I found the dogma limited and lacking in it’s ability to resolve the numerous questions I have.
The other day my youngest son made a reference to God using a male pronoun, I said “How do you know know God is a He not a She?” The oldest replied, “God’s both”. His brother agreed, ” Yep, God is a man and a woman.” The oldest confirmed stating “God is a He-She. One part is girl and the other part is boy.” He used is hand to illustrate the partition from the crown of his head down the middle of his body. I said “Okay” and smiled.
I believe children intutively know the answers to the universe and really how to live life. They love unconditionally, forgive easily, dream big, abandon grudges and oh yes they also know that God is both male and female. My sons’ explanation made alot of sense to me. More sense than many preachers I’ve heard during Saturday or Sunday church services.
Tyra's real hair
As I attempt to reengage in the conversation on Black women’s hair and encourage dialogue I think it’s important to state that relaxed hair without a weave is simply that: relaxed hair. It sits on one end of the spectrum of hair textures while the curls, coils, waves and kinks of truly natural hair sits on the other. Chemically and artificially straightened by definition is not naturally straight. When we compare it to hair that you can buy at a store and attach to your head yes it is real, but if we compared relaxed hair to the hair that grows out of your scalp to my mind it is not only unnatural it is fake or false. Now if deciding to shed the weave if only for a moment is cause for celebration and adulation, I wonder what a conscious effort to end the addiction to the creamy crack (chemical relaxer) would bring about?
Please take a look at this video:
I recently saw the video embedded in the link above. In my opionion. This person is speaking in “stereotype”. He is focusing on 1 type of psychology or mentality. I will however agree that this notion of the “STRONG independent BLACK Woman” is a bit overused and has to be revisited and reinterpreted.
Let’s face it some Black men see white women as a trophies, some actually want babies that are light skinned with “pretty hair” and that has nothing to do with how black women act. Whether or not they will admit it is another conversation.
The video prompted me to post on a topic I’ve often pondered: the power of the feminine or and or woman. Ultimately black women have to take responsibility for ourselves and perceived lack of power and one possible solution may be reclaiming some traditional values and the authority inherent within traditional rolls. This requires making choices that are aligned with personal values. For many that begins with simply identifying these values. Who want’s to give up being President of their own company to be President of the PTA? Is it possible to do both? What are our collective values? What do we think is important? Family or Fendi? Love or Louis? Joy or Jewely? Hope or Henny? Common goals/dreams or cash flow? Goal setting or gossip? Reality or reality tv?
For many the answers to these questions are not only a reflection of the so called “Black Community’ but of American society. Unfortunately as minorities we often feel the brunt of the negative consequences of these choices. I am curious what are your thoughts on this video? Is it accurate or asinine?
Good Manners Are Always in Style
Of all the areas in my child rearing adventures where I am not as consistent as I would like to be I think I am almost at 92% when it comes to manners. My boys are boys’ boys they are at times unruly and rambunctious (I attribute their activity to that testostersone). I ‘ve learned people are usually more forgiving if they say “Excuse me” after they’ve accidentally bumped into someone or “Sorry ” if they’ve unintentionally harmed another child or “Please” when making a request and “Thank you” upon receiving an item or service.
I work very hard to instill those basics into my boys and at times I encounter people who either 1. did not receive those lessons or 2. have decided to ignore or abandon these early teachings altogether. I know we live in an age where boundaries about almost all things conflate and blur. As a result people believe its okay to bend or break the rules to suit their needs in any given moment, but I miss the good old days when people said “please” and “thank you” without a second thought. I miss when folks felt it was imperative to call (text) if they couldn’t make it or were running late. I am longing for people to say “Hello” when entering a room and “Good bye” upon leaving. I think its great to hold the door for the person coming after you regardless of whether they are male or female. I think it’s important to tell a gentleman “Thank you” if he’s treated you to a day or night out. I am also a firm believer that (as someone has recently reminded me) when an adult is present children should “watch their mouth”.
What ever happend to manners and being just plain old polite? Fashion trends come and go, super stars rise and fall, relationships begin hot and grow cold, jobs are here today and gone tomorrow but for me manners will never go out of style. Forget about sexy it’s about time we bring manners back. By the way, thank you for reading and please come again.
My children’s’ father and I were able to present our sons with a gift this past Saturday. It was nothing extravagant, but it was spectacular. The cost was minimal and required a few hours of my time. However, it was priceless. This was the first time I’ve ever seen my boys so happy. As a result I was happy. Overjoyed actually, my heart was filled. It reminded me that self-centered mommying at it’s core is really about the children, as self-centered mommies are usually the most joyful when their babies are genuinely happy.
With all of modern technology’s wonderful devices for communicating there is really no sufficient explanation for one’s failure to connect with an individual or person whom they deem important. I’ve come to learn that when a person tells you that they are “busy” it is essentially code for “too busy for you or what you may want at the moment.” This sentiment emerges in several spaces including the personal and professional . I had a boss tell me that she was “too busy” to schedule weekly meetings with me, yet she found time to summon me to her cubicle for multiple adhoc conversations that could have been coherently addressed with a weekly overview. During a recent conversation, a young man expressed to me that women want successful men, but when a man is busy pursuing that success and as a result may have less time for a romanctic relationship the woman gets upset.
Folks, I have two sons under the age of 8 and I do other stuff including a full time job and I am pretty busy, however when I deem something urgent or pressing, I make time. Similarly, when any type of relationship (frienship, business, professional) is evolving or developing it is prudent for genuinely interested parties to make time. Yes, I understand that time will not always mean copious emails, long conversations, extensive meetings weekend get- togethers or romanctic dinners . Sometimes it’s a quick text to say : “It’s hectic today, I’ll touch base when I have a moment.” Or perhaps it’s a mini meeting to ensure everyone is on the same page. Or maybe a 15 minute conference call to tie up loose ends.
During the moments when life calls you in multiple directions it can be difficult to juggle and prioritize, however with a bit of consideration and forethought it’s possible to give energy to that which we find vital or compelling. In those moments quality is desirable over quantity and ultimately there is no room for such statements as “too busy”.
By A.B.
I went to church this past Sunday. Outside the building there is a sign that proclaims “Sinners are welcome.” Each time I’ve passed by the church I’ve smiled thinking: “How clever, that’s exactly where sinners should be.”
I received the message, participated in the obligatory call and response of the interactive church and smiled with amusement at the folks expressing the the holy ghost’s possession of their form through a variety of dances and movement….it’s actually my favorite part after a good sermon.
The pastor is an ex crack addict. He proclaimed during his sermon that he may offend some as his annointing is to speak to certain types of people. I thought to my self “Ex or recovering addicts such as your self? How appropriate [that an ex addict should have a message for those with various manifestations of abuse.]” And then I began to wonder as to the the nature of each respective attendee’s sin. As I sat amongst the congregatation feeling not as sinful as some and feeling more sinful than others then acknowledging all sins are equal in the eyes of God; it dawned on me that I was in the right place and I felt welcomed.
It's Carnival time Again.....
My boys, our cousin and I took a road trip. We traveled 500 miles up north to visit family in Ontario, Canada . We made it safe and sound after a couple of chicken wing breaks, a twenty minute down pour on interstate 81, a power nap, a probe of our car and it’s contents by Canadian customs euphemized as an “IDconfirmation” and a stop at Niagara Falls (the Canadian side). Like many West Indians I have family flung around the globe primarily in the countries of Jamaica, United States, Canada and England. As my sons get older I am begining to acknowledge the importance of maintaining the connections that are preordained by DNA. As result I’ve resume the yearly pilgrimage begun by my parents when I was a child.
Only at Caribana
Caribana an annual parade that celebrates the West Indian spirit of revelry offers an exciting backdrop for a DivaMom and Sons (and cousin) adventure. Our excursion provided what adventures normally do: a sense of accomplishment, exposure to sights and sounds that are not readily available in your comfort zone and an opportunity to reconnect with people, places and self. My boys had a ball proclaiming they wanted to move to Canada. I felt like a champ first pulling into my cousin’s drive way and then into my complex. I was so proud of me. The road trip was rejuvenating enabling me to reconnect with my inner divamom. Upon our return when my 5 year old son whined because he did not have his t-shirt for camp I immediately responded: ” I just drove 1,000 miles to and from Canada, boy I didn’t get a chance to wash your shirt. I dont deserve that from you”. He obviously agreed because his usually persistent little butt shut right up.
Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet.
~ Roger Miller
I recently found my self caught in the path of torrential rain clouds, yet my spirits were high as I found refuge in a gourmet shop, then beneath a bright yellow umbrella, then in a bank lobby, then a cab and ultimately a cute little spot for drinks, but throughout it all I had the good fortune of being in very good company. My hair was a little puffier but my clothes were warm and dry. I was reminded of a few lessons that day but the greatest was that even in the midst of a storm the pleasures of life are often found in the simple things. While the skies may thunder pouring rain, comfort, joy and satisfaction are forever present in how we choose to navigate the tempest and a great companion is one with whom we can openly share every stage of the experience. Having good company makes it a stop, walk, run or ride in the rain rather than just getting wet. Thanks MR 
Courtesy of inspired fitness.com
My 5 year old used my bendable rollers first to make a wand then the next day he transformed it into miniature dumbbells. Although I had a good idea what they were I asked him, “What’s that?”
He replied: ”It’s a weight mommy.”
I said, “Great job!”
He affirmed, “I am a creator, right mommy?”
I agreed, “Yes you are.”
I was tickled that my baby used the word “creator”. I thought it was an interesting statement for a five year old to make. After all aren’t we all ultimately the creators of our own destinies? Don’t we use the resources that we currently have available to shape and construct our reality?
It is our ability to master our minds that in many cases determines how we live our lives. Yet we consistently allow our trains of thought to run amuck with unsavory ideas and self doubt that plant the seeds of our own destruction. We forget that we are indeed creators, that in each and every situation we have the ability to build the life we choose.
At times I long for the mind of a child, those days when everything was possible. There was no limitation, in your mind you could be and do anything. If we were all were as bold as my 5 year old affirming that we were indeed creators perhaps we can recapture the feeling that the possibilities in life are limitless. Perhaps we can take a lesson from my five year old and empower ourselves by asserting that as creators we can construct whatever it is we desire, building what we want by using the resources that we have available.
W. Reid
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