Category Archive

The title of the post is a text I received from a man who failed to respond to a text  I sent to  him  for three days.  I was amazed that he had the audacity to identify me as a “typical black woman and then define that category as “so sad”.   I know we have a PR issue, becasuse the stereo type of the Angry Black Woman is running rampant as  the poster child for how all black women act, but ladies and gentlemen ALL black women are not angry. Men, if you find your self constantly running into   the sad, typical black woman maybe the problem is you.  

Some men in my opinion believe if they have a “good job” (whatever that is), are nice and  don’t have any intention of running around on you, that somehow makes them the cat’s meow.  You should be happy to make their acquaintance because they are employed,  aren’t on drugs, gay or two timing you, you have  hit the jackpot!  I’ve even had someone tell me that there is a shortage of men so an affair with a married man is a good idea until my Mr. Right comes along.  I know times are hard, but I’d rather be by myself than to accept that having a man for the sake of having a man is the optimum investment of my time,  energy and all of the talents that I possess. 

In case you are wondering my response to that text was “Maybe you should focus on dating when you get your finances in order & some manners.  If not contacting you after u left me hanging  makes me typical then so be it.”  My initial impulse was to delete, but I’m a woman and I couldn’t resist the last word.  Is it me, am I really that picky or have our standards in how we treat each other during dating or courtship eroded drastically?

The Knight

One of the things that constantly amaze me about my sons is their imagination.  Some times I wonder why I even purchase toys because these two can make a toy from anything.   I was a photographer at recent photo shoot featuring my sons who showcased the flexibility of a pair of underwear  (Yes ,they are good for other things besides wearing and throwing them at the R & B singer Maxwell, see The Panty Toss  ). 

 Please note I was harrassed into taking the photographs and I did inform the duo that these photos would be included on my blog.  This is one of those instances where a picture is worth a thousand words:

The Monster

The "Bad Guy"

I am on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace,LinkedIn  and I write two blogs. Oh yes, how can I forget I also belong to an online fan club.  So it’s fair to say that  I am indeed connected online. What I’ve come to realize is that despite the various virtual sites that are available to facilitate human interaction  nothing trumps the physical presence of a  real live human.  NOTHING.  We’ve plunged heavily into this virtual reality  which only serves to limit our engagement in real life.  

In my travels through cyberspace I’ve  discovered  so-called internet  posers, people who assume  totally different identity when sitting behind the keyboard. Suddenly the meek and mild-mannered are transformed into  stalwarts of bravado, sex kittens, internet thugs and electronic Casanova.   What’s up with that?  Yes, cyberspace is a wonderful  place, for many of us it is the ultimate playground where we can really be who we WANT to be (including, yours truly, here I am a writer and publisher).  I challenge those who are juggernauts in cyberspace to bring a bit of that energy to the real world.  Hey it may be the  beginning of creating the reality that you desire  and rather than live on the net you can LIVE in real life.

Within certain groups there is the tendency of some to move away from being defined as “black”. Some people prefer to be refered to by the nation of their birth or their parent’s birth rather than claim blackness, despite the fact their skin color and facial features are Africoid.  On the other end of this  conversation we have many Americans who believe black to be synonymous with only America.

In conversations with friends about their ethnic background they  have said  ”My mom/dad is Puerto Rican and my mom/dad is black” , and then I probed for the race/nationality of both parents. In one instance the response was my mother is Black Puerto Rican and my Father is Black American. In another the response was my Father is White Puerto Rican and my mother is  Black American. I found it interesting in both cases how both friends identified the national origin of one parent yet I was expected to know the national identity of the other parent based on a racial category. I had a co worker say to me “But you’re not Black, your Jamaican.” I had to let him know I am black AND  I am Jamaican. Same for “African-Americans”.   They/We are Black AND American.  Same for Dominicans, Haitians, Puerto Ricans, Venezuelans, Panamanians,St. Lucians, Trininidadians, Antiguans , Nigerians, Kenyans, Liberians, Ghanians and the list goes on.

When someone is identified as black I question: “What country? From where?” I dont automatically assume when someone is referred to as Black that they  are American.  Maybe it’s my hang up and I should get with the program. I already think “African-Americans” focus too little on their Americaness anyway (but that’s another post). Black is indeed diverse in the sense that many nations around the world have black people, not just America. Check out this past post  on  ”Neo-African American.  Feedbacks and comments are welcomed!

Princess Tiana

I  recently saw  The Princess and the Frog with my two sons.  I waited until we were in the theater and seated before I revealed the title of the movie.  I was concerned  that my 6 year old son would object to my selection as the movie of choice for his birthday celebration.    Both boys allowed their mother this small pleasure and did not utter a peep until the conclusion what I believe is a Disney classic.  I waited my whole life for this movie! (It was right up there with a Maxwell concert!)  As a girl and young adult  I loved all of the Disney movies with princesses, Cinderella, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, Mulan  and Aladdin.  I often wondered when they would make a movie about a little black girl.  I was pleased with Lion King, but then I thought,  ”We make a movie about Africa and we use animals?  Nice.”  When I read that Disney was making   The Princess and the Frog I knew I had to see it. In fact,  at first I was in disbelief as I thought it was a rumor.

 I was so excited to see  a little brown girl from a loving family in a Disney film.  The fact that she was  a princess took the cake for me!  I dont have  any thing deep or prolific to add, but I will say  that  Tiana represents that little black girls are princesses too.  This image is profound not only for girls and boys of  African descen, it is a wonderful representation for  all children ( and their parents) around the world.   Go see the movie even if you dont have any children and especially if you are like me  and waited a very long time time to see a princess who looks kind of like you in a Disney film.

Did a paper ghosts expose the workings of white privilege?

My son A then asked, “Do you have a son?” The woman responded “Yes I do, he’s around here somewhere.” A then followed up with “Is he brown or white?”. The woman responded “He’s white”. The other brown woman at the table shot me a glance and I couldn’t help but to smile. She finished up A’s ghost and we walked away from the table. Throughout the evening and beyond I wondered did my five year old interpret that this woman immediately responded to the little boy because he had the same skin pigment as her son? Did he somehow sense he was overlooked because he was brown unlike the woman’s son?

Did my 5 year old witness and experience the workings of white privilege first hand or am I just reading into this thing like an Africana Studies major with a naptural ( I dont relax my hair)? Thoughts?

Maybe because I am a single parent with two sons and a full time job (who’s created additional work by commiting to writing 2 blogs) I am rarely ever bored. I find that people who claim to be bored are usually relying upon others to entertain them.
In other words only boring people are bored. If you are unable to stimulate yourself how is possible that you wish to charge another human being with that task?

If you are so boring that you are unable to entertain yourself, why would any one want to be in your company? If you wish to be in the presence of interesting people doing interesting things you must also be interesting. The creation of stimulating life lies in no one else’s hand but your own. If you are bored maybe you have too much free time on your hands; go out and do something.

My boys are 7 and 5 years old. Their room is ALWAYS a mess. I’ve threatened incessantly that I was going to throw their toys away if they did not clean up.  I finally filled a large tub with their collection of cars, action figures and variety of other items.  I selected the toys that I thought were most important  tossed the remainder in the garbage.  You know what I dont think they realize that these toys are missing and their room is so much neater.

I had a conversation with my co worker a few weeks back and she mentioned that she shreads all of her pay stubs.  She remarked, what’s the point  of holding onto all that stuff, worst case scenario you can always get  a copy.  I thought, you know she’s right.  I then decided that I would  shread nearly five years of   pay stubs.  I was shocked to see  the pile had grown to almost two inches in height.  I then wondered what other useless pieces of information was I hoarding.

I began the task of  sorting and discarding and nearly two hours later saw that I had shread  three waste baskets full of old bills, bank statements, pay stubs and other documents.  I pondered why am cluttering my space with useless information? Useless, because it’s all gone and I dont miss it one bit.

I’ve always said that the state of one’s home is usually a reflection of their state of mind and because my clutter was hidden in little boxes I guess I felt pretty organized.  But since I’ve decluttered  my space of paper and boys’ toys  I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted and I realize that I held on to that stuff  largely due to procrastination and  an unwillingness to make and follow through on  decisions.   Now, I am on a mission:  gotta keep my space  clutter free especially the kind that is hidden in cute little boxes and disguised as little boys’ toys.  So far so good.

Sun and Earth by sunenergy.com

The other day my five year old asked me “Mommy why is the sun following us?” I responded, “Well its because the sun is so big…..”

My seven year old quickly interrupted with “That’s not it.  The earth is rotating on it’s axis.” He  then declared  “Look this is the earth” and illustrustrated his point by balling up his  left fist  and continued with ” And this is the sun”,  holding his right hand above his clenched fist .  Then with both hands he renacted how these two large masses behavedwithin the universe.  As if he made perfect sense my five year old responded with “Oh”.

I remained silent.